Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder (also called manic depressive illness) is when you have periods of depressive symptoms that alternate or may co-exist with periods of mania. Symptoms of mania include abnormally high levels of excitement and energy, racing thoughts, and behavior that is impulsive and inappropriate.
I decided to write this post to educate people on the symptoms and why explain why they should seek treatment. Hopefully someone will read this post and realize they suffer from this and consult a health care provider. The sooner treatment is sought the sooner they can be on the road to recovery.

Depression

Depression is a medical condition that affects nearly 21 million American adults each year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Mood, thoughts, physical health, and behavior all may be affected. Symptoms of depression commonly include:
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings.
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness.
Restlessness or irritability.
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that the person once enjoyed.
Fatigue and decreased energy.
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and/or making decisions.
Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping.
Overeating, or appetite loss.
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts.
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease with treatment.
Depression comes in several forms and its symptoms and severity can vary from person to person.
Depression is not something that one should be ashamed of, if you or someone you know exhibit any of these symptoms please seek treatment or help that person get the help that they need. If depression is not adequately treated, it can become severe and, in some cases, may be associated with suicide.

Golddiggers

I recently read a book about women who aspired only to marry wealthy men. In the book the women were villified and were looked upon as imoral for their preference.
Is it morally wrong to want to marry a man with a sizeable bank account and has social economic status. If a woman has a preference for a wealthy man is it any different from a man who has a preference for beautiful women, or a college educated professional woman.
Some may argue that if a woman only wants to marry a man who is wealthy, she would eventually leave him if he ever loses his money. Some would also argue that she is just using him for his wealth.
It is just as easy to fall in love with a wealthy man as with a poorer man. Everyone is entitled to have a preference and who are we to judge what people like. As long as you are honest and not trying to misrepresent yourself I see nothing wrong with it personally. I respect all different viewpoints and welcome your feedback. Please comment and let me know what your stance is on this subject.

Having a Man Does Not Define Who We Are

It is very critical for women to know their worth. Some women are content just to be in a relationship even if they are not happy, just for the sake of saying they have a man.
Having a man does not define who we are, we are just as intelligent and beautiful being single. Please do not settle for any man or remain in a relationship where you are clearly not happy.
We need to have a loving and positive relationship with ourselves before we can have it with a man. Having self worth and self love will save us so much unnecessary heartache. When we are content at being by ourselves, enjoying it and finding fullfillment with our own company. We will have that confidence and natural air about ourselves that will attract positive and great men. Men love confident and self assured women.
Once we have that we will radiate that and the negative men who cross our paths will sense that and keep walking.

Dear Kat,

I really hope that you can help me. I was seeing a guy for about 4 months and I broke up with him the other day. We were friends for about 10 months. We had our ups and downs but for the most part I thought that he really cared about me until we broke up. He told me he was seeing another girl & I flipped out after hearing this & severed all ties. Should I respect the fact that he was honest for telling me or be upset because we had sex the other day & I feel used & disrespected.

Signed
Disrespected

Dear Disrespected,

Be glad that he was honest with you. Be happy and enjoy life, there are many men out here. Don't sulk over no man.
He obviously was not the right man for you, get over him and move on. You will be much happier when you do.

Dear Kat,

I am a 26 year old intelligent,professional black woman and I consider myself very attractive and a great catch. ( I have been told that on numerous occasions as well.) Well I have been dating my boyfriend Jay for about 7 months now and he told me that he really cares for me and that one day I will make the perfect wife. Which brings me to my problem. Jay says he loves me but that our relationship has become boring and that he wants me and him to have a threesome with my best friend Giselle. I really love him and want to please him but I don't want to have a threesome. I'm afraid if I don't give in he will dump me. What should I do?

Signed,
Sasha

Dear Sasha,
You answered your own question. You said you don't want to have a threesome so don't. Your boyfriend will probably dump you either way because you say your intelligent and a great catch but you really sound dumb and insecure. Never compromise yourself to please someone else. Have some self respect and pride.

Register To Vote

Please register to vote. October 10th this Friday is the last day for residents in New York to register to vote. Questions? Call (212) VOTE-NYC or ( 212. 868.3692 ) Yes We Can... Obama/Biden 08

Dear Kat,

My daughters father was in jail for 11 years and he was recently released about 7 months ago. We stayed in contact throughout the duration of his bid. We have a pretty good relationship and he takes great care of his daughter but recently he has been making some strange sexual request, and I found some skid marks in front of his boxers. I'm beginning to suspect he is on the down low. He has been very secretive and if I question him he yells at me. He also has been hanging around a guy who I suspect is a friend of Dorothy. In other words he is flaming. Should I confront him about my suspisions or just try to catch him in the act. Please help.
Confused in Atlanta

Dear Confused,

First off get yourself tested for all STD's immeditely. Secondly if you have these doubts about his sexuality I tend to believe he is on the DL. Usually when you have a gut feeling about something you have to go with your woman's intution. I don't know if he is a violent person but I suggest you confront him in a public place. Also you did not mention what sexual request he has made but I can only assume that you meant anal. This is a horrible predicament and I wish you the best of luck. Please be strong for your daughters sake and if when you confront him whether he admits it or not be prepared to leave him. Black women's HiV infection rates are steadly increasing and are at a all time high . Don't be a victim and love yourself enough to leave. Tips to take heed to know if your dating a dl man. He is constantly making homophobic comments. Being very secretive and always hanging around suspect men. Men who are very abusive towards woman. Feces in front of the underwear. Men that douche. These are a few tips but use them at your own discretion also read books by E.Lynn Harris.

Friendship

A good friend is hard to find and it is very important to forge deep meaningful and lasting relationships with others. The company you keep says a lot about what type of person you are. Keep in mind that others will judge you by the company you keep. I'm sure you have heard of the saying, birds of a feather flock together. That being said be careful of the friends you take on and only associate with positive people.
Being around like minded individuals will steer you away from toxic and negative individuals. Surround yourself with people who are positive, ambitious and who genuinely cares about you. People that care about you will usually be loyal, honest and you won't have to worry about them talking about you behind your back. Also good friends are brutally honest and lets you know when you are wrong and is not afraid to verbalize it. For example if your girl friend asks you, Do I look good with a two tone cheap chinese store brought wig and you know she looks a hot mess and you answer yes. You are not a true friend. I understand you may not want to hurt their feelings but a true friend wouldn't want their girl looking like how Tiny did for Ti's 28th birthday party. SMH.. (Tiny call me I'm available for image consulting.)
Anyways appreciate your friends and be mindful to keep in touch and check up on them even when you are buzy. I've been accussed of this and I am working to correct that. That being said chose your friends wisely and remember that they are a reflection of you.

Confidence

In order to compete in a man's world you have to exude confidence. Men are generally great at conveying a postive self image about themselves. You hardly ever hear a man saying I think, instead they say I know, I believe.
Apologizing is another problem that women have. Women apologize for no reason and worst when they have a great idea. For example a woman would say I'm sorry but I have a great idea.... SMH ..(Why must we apologize for having a great idea) or I'm sorry but can I talk to you... WTH!! Women there are better phrases to use when breaking a conversation, excuse me, pardon me.
Women are often raised to take a back seat to men and be humble. Wrong! Be strong,vocal, engaging and articulate . It is ok to brag and toot your horn. Men do it, so can we . If your not passionate and certain about your strengths and capabilities no one else will be. Anways here are a few books that I recommend every woman should read Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It,by Peggy Klaus, 101 Secrets to Negociating Success, by Elaine F. Ré.
In order to be successful and respected have self confidence, be aggessive,work hard and surround yourself with likeminded individuals. Most importantly never give up and never doubt yourself.

Dear Kat,

I'm a 24 year old woman with a huge problem. I have been seeing a guy for about 4 months & it is just purely sexual & I recently met his best friend & we have taken a liking to each other. He says tht he know he is wrong for liking me but he can't help it. I know I shouldn't be contemplating getting involved with him but I am. We get along great & I was never really serious about his friend. The best friend and I recently went out & had such a great time. I can't stop thinking about him. Should I follow my heart or my brains. I know I shouldn't but he is just so irresistible.

Signed,
Alexia

Dear Alexia,

Forget about his best friend immediately. There are so many men you can get involved with. A best friend of a guy you was having sexual relations with is a major no, no. If you get involved with him you will regret it. Have some pride & respect for yourself. There are certain lines you can never cross & this is one of them. If you don't care about your reputation & being labled as a hoe go right ahead & pursue him. When you get tossed like yesterdays trash don't write me back crying.

Goals

Setting goals for yourself is very important. You should always write down a couple of task you would like to achieve and also write down how you plan on achieving them. Set a reasonable time limit to accomplish them.
Setting goals and achieving them will give you a focused plan. It will assist you, in giving you healthy habits to ensure that you can in fact accomplish whatever plan you devise for yourself. Having a vision and executing it ensures that you are on the right path to success. It gives you confidence and structure. Each time you accomplish one you set a few others & so on.

Whatever You Like

T.I is number1 on the billboard charts for a reason. His number 1 single " Whatever You Like" is his ode to his long term girlfriend and mother of his last two children. T.I recites "Baby you can have whatever you like(you like). I don't know about yall but I defintely like the sound of that. He is not afraid to show how much his girl means to him by spoiling her with the finer things in life and he's talking about five million dollar homes and bentley's and such.
T.I not only wants to spoil her with material things he's offering her his time, late night sex whenever she wants it and he even goes as far as saying "Long as you got me you won't need nobody". Sounds a little like a control freak to me but I aint mad at you T.I. It's refreshing to see a rapper declaring his dedication to his woman. Tiny is doing something right.
Fellows yall can take some notes from T.I. There is nothing wrong with spoiling your woman and I know my ladies can attest to that. Anyways in general show your partner that they are special to you. I know everybody aint ballin like T.I but a nice candle lit home cooked dinner and flowers can go a long way.

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama is the epitome of grace, beauty and of course intellect. I am so proud that she is representing us so eloquently. Mrs. Obama I salute you. You are a such an inspiration to all woman and especially black woman.
We are often portrayed in the media as neck poppin, angry,having a attitude problem and uneducated. Mrs.Obama is a true representation of what many of us are. Strong, educated,passionate, deeply loyal and fiercely supportive of our men. Listening and seeing Mrs.Obama address the nation brought tears to my eyes. Mrs.Obama you are doing us so proud. Michelle Obama you are our First Lady.

Is It Impossible To Meet A Marriage Minded Man Today

I read a blog in one of my favorite blogs Baller Alert and the post was about a 30 something year of woman moving to Dubai to find a rich husband. She was tired of working as a legal secreatary for 15 years. She wanted to meet and marry a wealthy man and have the lifestyle she always dreamed about. Which made me think is it really that bad now that woman are moving to another country to meet marriage minded men. She felt the men in New York were just playing games and were not serious and in Dubai the men their hold a different set of values and were more marriage minded.
My girlfriend and I were just discussing the shortage or lack of serious minded eligible bachelors. She was saying how tired she was of meeting men who just wanted casual sexual relationships or had girlfriends and wives but did not chose to disclose that vital information and just wanted to have their cake and eat it too. I agreed with her as well but I believe woman are at fault as well. It is important for woman to express what they are looking for in a relationship. Do not feel like their is something wrong with letting a man know what you want. If he is scared off so what. You saved yourself the trouble of finding out later that he is not the man for you . Communication and honesty is key to building a healthy and lasting relationship. Ask the right questions to see if the man your dating is married or has a girlfriend. Look for signs as well. As woman we have woman's intuition so if something does not feel or seem right it probably isn't. Exercise caution and common sense.

Until next time, MUaH

Dear Kat,

I'm 25 years old and my problem is I'm not close to my Mom. My family is very dysfuncional and I live with them and it is very stressful. I am planning to move within the next 6 months because fincancially I cannot afford it yet because I am saving for a condo. I want to try to build a relationship with my Mom but she is so negative and it disrups my positive energy. I need some advice on how to salvage our relationship without driving myself insane.

Betty


Dear Betty,

You did not mention how she is negative but in any case she is your mother. You are living with her so you should be grateful that you have a roof over your head. If you are so stressed maybe you should nix getting a condo and just get an apartment. You sound very ungrateful. Talk to your mother and try to work things out. You only have one mother and tommorow is not promised.

He's Just Not That Into You

Ladies have you ever been with a guy who hardly returned any of your phone calls. When he did it was always the same tired ass excuse, "Ive just been so buzy". Granted we all lead very buzy, hectic lives and we tend not to return calls occassionally. But if this is done repeatly, you have to get a clue. If a man is truly interested in you he will make time for you and contact you. Trust and believe he is making time for someone and obviously it is not you.
Signs that a man is not that into you. You are the one doing all the calling. If a man is thinking about you he will want to call you. A man is always suppose to lead and a woman follows. He's not a gentleman and he doesn't open doors for you. You always initiate all the dates and pay for them as well. A man who is into you would feel insulted if you always paid. He tells you of his plans and never invites you to any of them. You don't know any of his family and friends. He forgets your birthday or doesn't buy you anything for it and this includes Valentine's Day or any other holiday. A man is suppose to make you feel special and spoil you occassionally, if he doesn't he's really not that into you. If a man exhibits any of these traits, get rid of him immediately.
Until next time, MUaH

Dear Kat,

I recently stopped seeing a guy I was dating for 7 months. It was a mutual breakup because we lost interest in each other. Fast forward my best guy friend is interested in me and Im contemplating whether I should take it to the next level. We get along perfectly but I'm afraid it may ruin our friendship & I just got out of a relationship .. I'm not sure what I should do.

Confused


Dear Confused,

You stated that you recently broke up with your mate. I suggest you wait atleast 3 months before you jump into anything. Getting into rebound relationships is never healthy. Especially with one of your good friends. Give it some time and after if you still feel like getting involved go for it.

Options

As a female you always have to have options. Don't get caught out there without having a lineup. Dating is about getting to know each other and seeing if you are compatible with each other. You need to take your time to evalute each candidate to see if he fits well in your life and if he is deserving enough to take it to the next level. You should never limit yourself and just date one man because trust me he has his options as well. You also cannot afford to catch feelings quickly and get emotional. As woman we are naturally emotional creatures and if you want to win you need to be on point and be prepared. Your lineup should consist of very different men, personality wise and occupation. You don't want to confuse anyone and get caught out there. Also each men will bring something different to the table and expose you to different ideas and elements. Remember you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. I'm in no way advocating sleeping with these men, simply dating. Do not get it confused. Always conduct yourself like the lady your momma raised you to be. Last but not least have fun and enjoy yourself. Do not rush anything and be yourself.

Until next time, MUaH

Game

I know as women we have all come across men who try to game us. Be weary of men that have a tendency to brag about how much money they make and how they
want to do this and that for you. I believe that a man's word is his bond. Once he breaks that I have no faith or trust in him. If he promises you things repeatly and doesn't deliver drop him.. These men are just running game and just want to get between your thighs. If he can't win you over being honest then he suffers from insecurity issues and isn't worth your time. Also actions speak louder than words. I for one do not believe anything until it is done and neither should you ladies.
Until next time MUaH

Dear Kat,

I'm a 30 year old, professional, single mother of a 7 year old son. The problem is my son's father is in jail & I have a problem with finding a good man to date & have a serious
relationship with. I stopped dating & just pray to God to send me a good man. I would like a positive male in my son's life but it seems like the guys I dated in the past were just a bunch of losers. Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

Lonely mother

Dear lonely,

First of all God only helps those who helps themselves. God is not going to just send you a man. You have to be in a position to meet single, educated, professional men. I suggest all the qualities you are looking for a mate make sure you have all these qualities as well. You will atttract whatever you give off. Join a charity, go to conventions, museums, etc and mingle. I am sure you will be able to meet new people & make friends. Do not rush anything & just have fun. Focus on being the best parent you can be for your son. Also enroll your son in activities like sports. music, art or any activities where a man is the head. Good luck & keep me posted.

Trust

Once your mate lies to you, will you ever be able to fully trust them again. Trust for many people is very difficult, especially when they have had problems with it in the past. What lies are lies that one cannot get past. I for one believe that we should forgive but proceed with caution. Everyone is entitled to a second chance. As humans we will make mistakes but if we make an honest attempt to make ammends for our mistakes we should be forgiven. After all it is written in the bible. Let me know your views by commenting.

Dear Kat,

I'm pregnant and I don't know who the baby father is. I recently broke up with my ex & had a one night stand with a random dude I met at a club. It was 2 weeks apart from my last encounter with my ex. Should I tell my ex its his & hope for the best or tell him the truth..I don't believe in abortion so I am going to raise my child.. It will be my second. My daughters father died 2 years ago & she is 5 yrs old.Please help!!

Confused & pregnant


Dear Confused,

Bringing a child into the world in a deceiful manner will do you no good. I suggest you tell your ex the truth & also your one night stand. You reap what you sow & honesty is always the best way to handle things.. Give your ex the option of being there for you. If he is a good man he will be supportive if not be woman enough to handle your responsibility until a paternity test can be taken. I also suggest you get yourself checked for STD's. Condoms are your friend use them..I would advise in the future not to engage in random sex acts as we have AIDS running rampant.. Also engaging in promiscious behavior is a sign of a bigger problem.. Know your worth as a mother & a woman .. Love yourself & please behave more responsibily. I suggest you read Maya Angelou's Gather Together in My Name.. Good luck & let me know how everything goes..

Dating

Its your first date and your getting ready for your first night out..What are you going to wear.. On your first date you want to leave a good impression.. Remember what your mother told you..No man will bring a hoe home to meet his Mama..First impressions are very important.. You want to be sexy but conservative at the same time.. So showcase 1 of your best assets & never more than one..Ex legs, breast or rear.. If you wear a skirt or dress make sure its no shorter than above the knee & cover your chest & nothing tight. Wear neutral colors & nothing to buzy & definitely no mini skirts or booty shorts..It you want to show a little cleavage balance it out with a jacket or sweater with loose wide leg pants.. Have perfectly coiffed hair no ghetto hairstyles with gel & funny colors..Keep it simple &
neat.. Have perfectly manicured nails & no ghetto tips with crazy designs..Use one color polish or a french manicure..Remove all hair frm your body except for what's on your head..Have your eyebrows waxed, tweezed or threaded.. Wear simple jewlery preferably pearls or a simple chain with a small pendant.. Shoes should always be heels it gives your butt an 2 extra inches & a nice switch.. Read up on pop culture so you can have topics to discuss... Most importantly be honest & be yourself..If a man ask you out he pays if you do offer & be prepared to pay but a true gentleman will pay if he doesn't lose him.. Make sure you end the date at the end of the evening..Absolutely no sex..Wait aleast the appropriate 3 months or longer if your still not comfortble.. If you want a man to respect you & treat you like a lady act like one.. You show a man how to treat you so behave accordingly..Get to know him & let him get to know you.. Take your time & be patient their is no rush.. Be sure he courts you & not just the first couple of dates.. Remember these tips it will set the foundation on how a man will treat you.. Good luck..
Til next time.. MUaH

Always the bridesmaid never the bride

August 3, 2008 - Sunday

Do you find yourself wondering why other women are able to snag a good husband and you can't even land a date.. Don't kid yourself & use the typical excuse that there are no good black men available.. With a defeated & pessimistic attitude like that you are setting yourself up to remain alone.. Their is nothing wrong with being single if that is truly what you want but if you want to land a
worthwhile mate follow my tips.. First work on your inner issues & insecurties.. Work on your self esteem.. Build your confidence and know that you deserve a good man.. Pamper yourself.. Go to the spa & get yourself a deep relaxing body massage, facial, manicure & pedicure..When you look good you feel good.. Join a gym & work out.. It will ease your mind & body of life's daily stress & keep your body tight & sexy.. If your not in a spiritual insitution join one..You need God in your life to help you when your in doubt & need spiritual guidance.. Read the Bible.. Go to museums, conventions, lectures anything to expand your mind.. Broaden your horizons..Read literture & keep up with current events & pop culture.. Once you have your inner issues resolved you can begin dating.. Most importantly love yourself and know your self worth.. Do not settle for anyone who is less than a gentlemen..
Til next time MUaH