Dear Kat,

I am a 26 year old intelligent,professional black woman and I consider myself very attractive and a great catch. ( I have been told that on numerous occasions as well.) Well I have been dating my boyfriend Jay for about 7 months now and he told me that he really cares for me and that one day I will make the perfect wife. Which brings me to my problem. Jay says he loves me but that our relationship has become boring and that he wants me and him to have a threesome with my best friend Giselle. I really love him and want to please him but I don't want to have a threesome. I'm afraid if I don't give in he will dump me. What should I do?

Signed,
Sasha

Dear Sasha,
You answered your own question. You said you don't want to have a threesome so don't. Your boyfriend will probably dump you either way because you say your intelligent and a great catch but you really sound dumb and insecure. Never compromise yourself to please someone else. Have some self respect and pride.

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Dear Kat,

My daughters father was in jail for 11 years and he was recently released about 7 months ago. We stayed in contact throughout the duration of his bid. We have a pretty good relationship and he takes great care of his daughter but recently he has been making some strange sexual request, and I found some skid marks in front of his boxers. I'm beginning to suspect he is on the down low. He has been very secretive and if I question him he yells at me. He also has been hanging around a guy who I suspect is a friend of Dorothy. In other words he is flaming. Should I confront him about my suspisions or just try to catch him in the act. Please help.
Confused in Atlanta

Dear Confused,

First off get yourself tested for all STD's immeditely. Secondly if you have these doubts about his sexuality I tend to believe he is on the DL. Usually when you have a gut feeling about something you have to go with your woman's intution. I don't know if he is a violent person but I suggest you confront him in a public place. Also you did not mention what sexual request he has made but I can only assume that you meant anal. This is a horrible predicament and I wish you the best of luck. Please be strong for your daughters sake and if when you confront him whether he admits it or not be prepared to leave him. Black women's HiV infection rates are steadly increasing and are at a all time high . Don't be a victim and love yourself enough to leave. Tips to take heed to know if your dating a dl man. He is constantly making homophobic comments. Being very secretive and always hanging around suspect men. Men who are very abusive towards woman. Feces in front of the underwear. Men that douche. These are a few tips but use them at your own discretion also read books by E.Lynn Harris.

Friendship

A good friend is hard to find and it is very important to forge deep meaningful and lasting relationships with others. The company you keep says a lot about what type of person you are. Keep in mind that others will judge you by the company you keep. I'm sure you have heard of the saying, birds of a feather flock together. That being said be careful of the friends you take on and only associate with positive people.
Being around like minded individuals will steer you away from toxic and negative individuals. Surround yourself with people who are positive, ambitious and who genuinely cares about you. People that care about you will usually be loyal, honest and you won't have to worry about them talking about you behind your back. Also good friends are brutally honest and lets you know when you are wrong and is not afraid to verbalize it. For example if your girl friend asks you, Do I look good with a two tone cheap chinese store brought wig and you know she looks a hot mess and you answer yes. You are not a true friend. I understand you may not want to hurt their feelings but a true friend wouldn't want their girl looking like how Tiny did for Ti's 28th birthday party. SMH.. (Tiny call me I'm available for image consulting.)
Anyways appreciate your friends and be mindful to keep in touch and check up on them even when you are buzy. I've been accussed of this and I am working to correct that. That being said chose your friends wisely and remember that they are a reflection of you.

Confidence

In order to compete in a man's world you have to exude confidence. Men are generally great at conveying a postive self image about themselves. You hardly ever hear a man saying I think, instead they say I know, I believe.
Apologizing is another problem that women have. Women apologize for no reason and worst when they have a great idea. For example a woman would say I'm sorry but I have a great idea.... SMH ..(Why must we apologize for having a great idea) or I'm sorry but can I talk to you... WTH!! Women there are better phrases to use when breaking a conversation, excuse me, pardon me.
Women are often raised to take a back seat to men and be humble. Wrong! Be strong,vocal, engaging and articulate . It is ok to brag and toot your horn. Men do it, so can we . If your not passionate and certain about your strengths and capabilities no one else will be. Anways here are a few books that I recommend every woman should read Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It,by Peggy Klaus, 101 Secrets to Negociating Success, by Elaine F. Ré.
In order to be successful and respected have self confidence, be aggessive,work hard and surround yourself with likeminded individuals. Most importantly never give up and never doubt yourself.